The worses get better

It's going to get worse before it gets better.
It's going to get better after it gets worse.
But over time the worses will get better and the betters will continue to worsen less.

Why do I?

Why do I feel the need, at the moment I appreciate something, to give back something, that I want to be appreciated, with the enthusiasm that I just appreciated?

To Z for Evil Urges, From Z to Evil Urges

If I apologize, when I apologize, then I mean what I say.

When I apologize, if I apologize, I’ll say what I mean.

But if I don’t apologize you would consider me mean.

But if you consider me mean then an apology I would refuse to say.

But if I were to apologize, not to say that I am apologizing,

The apology I utter-

The apology I mutter-

Must mean something beyond verbal clutter.

Otherwise, I would feel obliged to apologize for apologizing.

And since I feel no need to apologize.

The meaning would be insincere and I would realize-

A true need for me to be sincere and actually apologize.

But I really have no intention-

And thus I really must mention-

My only form of an apology-

Would come in the form of an apology-

For the insincerity in which I would be apologizing.

But alas I never apologized.

And I need not realize a need to apologize.

What I need is to realize a need not to apologize.

Because I need not apologize.

No matter how much you desire an apology.

However, I feel a bit torn.

Because of an oath that was sworn.

Based on a gift, a series of words, and an unearthed feeling of forlorn

And so good man I bid you alas…an apology…

A single worded eulogy-

For the death of my angst against an apology

And therefore, I have now apologized for not apologizing.

But remember I refuted-

The need to be rooted-

In a series of words with no meaning.

And thus my apology for not apologizing

Warrants another apology for apologizing

But I dare you to follow that reference to its final meaning.

But to bring you a bit of satisfaction,

Since I see the need to be your bastion

And since you were gracious enough to pass along a gift.

I will sincerely apologize.

For no more and no less than any action-

Done by me that you have perceived to be wrong or cause a rift.

I apologize.

So realize and recognize.

Because it will not happen again before your eyes.

No matter how much we agree, disagree or compromise.

The New York Hat...It's On!

This demented rant was originally inspired by a recent airing of Californication (the new David Duchovny parade of visual and verbal rants on Showtime), in which David’s character, Hank Moody, lets his self loathing rest long enough to take a job blogging for HELL.A. magazine. His role: the disgruntled and misplaced New Yorker being tortured by the superficiality and inspiration numbing life that is L.A.

Being that I just moved to New York and consider myself a Midwestern transplant, I was going to give myself the same task; chronicling my noteworthy excursions while living in ‘New York Town’.

Immediate thoughts:

New Whork and/or Madhattan; Combating pressures of social whoring and attitude ridden people clamming for space, a recognizable name, and power in the shape of controlled budgets and fashion labels.

And just when I sauntered into a Starbucks looking to free flow my stream of consciousness onto the web, I was struck by the beauty of Sufjan Stevens. His melodic undertones and soothing vocal overtones brought me back to a mental state of acceptance, not to be confused with wanting to be a New York social whore or the typical defense ridden mad Manhattanite. I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, I won’t have to be deflective and a defender of all things considered holy in the Windy City. Maybe I won’t have to alter my sense of being (that of an open-minded, but opinionated, always willing to learn through the process of respectful debate, and rarely too rigid to accept another perspective) in order to position myself as THE Midwesterner in the Midwest/east coast dichotomy, especially since I always felt more adaptive and accepting of change than some of my corn fed Midwestern brethren.

But then…

He walked in.

The asshole in a New York hat. He had to have that fucking New York hat on didn’t he?!?

This self righteous prick busted through the Starbucks door and immediately tried to gain consensus that the music was too loud from the 6 patrons, all of which who were looking to be invisible at that given moment. In a fucking Starbucks man? They have their own goddamn XM radio station for Christ sake. Besides it was Sufjan Stevens on the airwaves! Sufjan!!! The artist who could calm a dying cat.

Regardless, this cock smoke in a New York fucking hat wanted to control those air waves. He felt that he was a martyr trying to save our ears and to do so he must take over the space in which we all chose to share by paying $4.5o for a cup of coffee. He pulled out a bullshit excuse that he had a phone call to make and the noise was deafening. And when challenged by the barista (I cannot believe I just used that word. Note to self: rip me a new asshole in a future demented rant) he fought. Upon getting no support from the 2 book rats and 4 laptop junkies, he recognized that as much as he felt that it was his right to pollute the common air with verbal vomit, he was fighting a losing battle. Eventually he mixed his medication, clearly a sedative, into his Americano (my assumption) and shut his fucking mouth.

But the damage was done man.

I am taking on the challenge. I feel it is my duty. I will chronicle.

I will vow to destroy the makeup of such reprehensible creatures, which seem to be so prevalent in the crowded house known as New York, through binary system enabled beatings!

This Chicagoan is here, ready to defend the Second City, and tear apart the attitude of New York in the privacy of my own cyberspace.

Come On, Feel The Illinoise bitches ‘cause I’m here and I’m ready to rant, demented style!!!

Crossroads Guitar Festival 2007: A Speculative Preview

We're on the verge of yet another festival.

However the musical journey we are about to embark upon is no ordinary stroll in the park.
The festival...Eric Clapton's Crossroads Guitar Festival 2007.

This isn't the first time Slowhand has brought together an Allstar cast to benefit a good cause (Crossroads Centre, Antigua), nor will it be the last. And, the 2007 lineup isn't even the best cast of guitar legends that Crossroads has seen.

So you may ask, "Why then, is this such an extraordinary event?"

The answer is a 2-parter:

1. Chicago
For the first time ever the crossroad is on the south side of Chicago. Actually, that statement is far from the truth. Chicago was the crossroad roughly 65 years ago; segregation, discrimination, talent, heart & soul-choose your direction. As a result of the great blues migration north, Chicago has been permanently entrenched as one of the greatest blues cities of all time. However, despite the rich heritage, there was a period of time where Chicago was not receiving its musical due.

Things are changing.

Slowhand chose Chicago for a reason. The Chicago music fan base is growing and we support our live music; multiple major festivals, broad strokes of well received musical genres, and an insatiable appetite for talent. The fan base is exactly why Chicago has taken the reigns from Texas this year. Locating Chicago on the musical map is far from difficult. However, the city with broad shoulders is awakening once again and as it does, be ready! Those shoulders can carry some heavy musical weight.

2. The Lineup
Yes, I know I just said this was not the best Crossroads lineup ever. However, I am prepared to say that this lineup has the ability to fulfill the cliche; the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I say this because the collaborative possibilities are nearly endless. The ingredients on Saturday have the potential to be mixed with more explosive firepower than anything you'd see in a MacGyver episode.

Instead of merely listing off a series of speculative combinations I have decided to put forth of CD preview for the crew I'm rolling with. But for those of you reading this, not receiving a CD, or potentially not even traveling to Toyota Park, might I suggest you make this mix on your own and/or watch the live stream on MSN (http://music.msn.com/Crossroads).

Enough of me, onto the music:

Okay, wait...I have to highlight some of the past collaborations just to spark the imagination:

• Eric Clapton with:

• Jeff Beck (in a way)-Beck replaced Clapton as the lead guitarist for The Yardbirds.
• Doyle Bramhall II-EC & BB covered 2 of Doyle's songs on Riding with the King & Doyle has played on a series of Clapton albums including Reptile and Me & Mr. Johnson.
• Duane Allman, I mean Derek Trucks...
• Robert Cray, Buddy Guy, BB King, Vince Gill, Willie, Robert Randolph, Albert Lee, etc. Okay so EC has played with the entire lineup. Wicked!
  
• One special call out: Little Stevie Winwood. Anyone know where Ginger Baker is? Have some (Blind) faith people!

• Vince Gill with Alison Krauss
• Buddy and John Mayer
• Sonny and BB
• BB & Sheryl
  
• BB & Buddy
• Derek & Robert
• Susan & Buddy
  
• Buddy, BB & Robert Cray
• And it goes on...

The mix:
(Originally, the disc was supposed to have respresentation from all artists performing at the festival. However, there was not enough space on one disc, so I removed; Sheryl Crow, Albert Lee, Vince Gill, Alison Krause, Johnny Winter & Hubert Sumlin):

1. Crossroads - Cream (Eric 'Slowhand' Clapton)
2. Pedal to Metal - Sonny Landreth
3. Traveling Riverside Blues - EC w/Doyle Bramhall
4. You're Gonna Need Me - Robert Cray
5. Rememberin' Stevie - Buddy Guy
6. Good Morning Aztlan - Los Lobos
7. Key to the Highway - The Band (Robbie Robertson)
8. I Don't Need No Doctor - John Mayer & John Scofield
9. Manha de Carnaval - John McLaughlin, Al Di Meola, & Paco De Luca
10. City of New Orleans - Willie Nelson
    
11. Jesus is Just Alright - Robert Randolph and the Family Band w/Eric Clapton
12. Beck's Bolero - Jeff Beck
13. Walkin' Blues - The Derek Trucks Band w. Susan Tedeschi
    
14. Sky is Crying - Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble (Jimmy Vaughan)
15. I'm a Man - Spencer Davis Group (Winwood)
16. How Blue Can You Get? - BB King

During the contemplation of making a second disc to ensure coverage of all artists, I asked myself something.

"Whose rules am I playing by here?"

I recognize that there are incredibly talented country musicians out there, especially at the festival, but overall...I don't dig on country music!

Therefore, I decide to create a second disc that's free from the restriction of having a song from all 2007 artists on it (but I made sure to add back in Hubert...need to pay homage to a legend). Besides, it allows me to put out a disc that plays right into the hands of speculative collaboration.

Onto disc 2!

1. Sweet Home Chicago - Eric Clapton
2. Dear Mr. Fantasy - Traffic (Winwood)
3. The Thrill is Gone - BB & EC
4. Mean Old World - Duane Allman & Eric Clapton
5. Native Stepson - Sonny Landreth
   
6. Little Girl, This is the End - Hubert Sumlin (Featuring Keith Richards)
   
7. Keep on Growing - Derek & The Dominos
   
8. Can't Find My Way Home - Blind Faith (Clapton & Winwood)
9. Life By the Drop - Double Trouble & Stevie Ray Vaughan
10. Little Wing - Double Trouble & Stevie Ray Vaughan
11. Jailhouse Rock - The Jeff Beck Group (Beck, Stewart, Wood)
    
12. For Your Love - The Yardbirds (EC)
13. Deliver Me - Robert Randolph & the Family Band
    
14. Damn Right, I've Got The Blues - Buddy Guy
15. Feelin' Alright - Traffic
16. After Midnight (not to be confused with Afta Midnite!) - Cream
    

I suppose that's it for now. Well, except for the preview now lives in the blog space, the discs in physical space, and of course THE ACTUAL FESTIVAL (which will inevitably live within the constructs of our minds for a long time to come)!!!

To all the geeeeetar worshipers out there...

Whether it be a 6 or 12 string acoustic,
a Paul, a Gibson, or a 50's U.S. made Strat, the Cadillac of electric;
Play it blues, jazz, rock or funk, it makes no difference at all.
It's the player not the guitar that creates the music loving fanatic.
Not because of the strings.
And certainly not because of the wood.
It's the soul's connection with the hands
that makes it sound so damn good!!!

-Afta Midnite

Something from Nothing

It started from nothing; a word and a laugh.
It stemmed from another thing; a soon to be past.
It could have been anything; just a walk, just a dance.
It could have been anyone; there wasn’t much of a chance.

And so I thought…

Harmless fun.
Common passions.
Unbound by the rebound.
Easily found!
Daily rations!

Too many factors to make it real.
It can’t be real.
Can it be real?
Regardless, this is unreal!

But it started from nothing; a word, a laugh.
And there were still those other things; a history, a past.
And even more of these new things; a secret and the unspoken.
Ah, it won’t be anything to worry about, my faith is unbroken.

And so I thought…

Intoxicating fun!
Uncommon passion!
Unbound by the mind!
Fantasized find!
Aroused in fashion!

This can’t be.
How can this be?
It can’t be.
This isn’t me.

But how could this be nothing?
It has to be something.

It’s just got to be nothing!
But it’s already something!

Fuck, it’s something that came from nothing! That’s GOT to be something. ‘Cause it surely ain’t nothing no more.

And so I thought…

Fuck.
Damn.
Oh my g-d, I’m the man!
Nope. What a woman!

Fuck.
Damn.
Oh my g-d, I’m the man.
What the fuck am I doing?

Damn…it’s something that came from nothing! That’s got to be SOMETHING? ‘Cause it surely ain’t nothing no more.

And I thought…

I’m just a man.
And she’s just a woman.

I’m supposed to be the man!
What am I doing?!

Oh my g-d…it’s something that came from nothing. That’s GOT to be SOMETHING! ‘Cause it surely ain’t nothing no more.

And I thought…

Fuck.
Damn.
MY g-d is not the man.
She CAN’T be the woman!

FUCK!
DAMN!
I’m supposed to be a man.
What am I doing?!

I thought...

Oh my g-d…It’s something. That came from nothing. That’s got to be something. ‘Cause it surely ain’t nothing no more?

It came from nothing, because it couldn’t be something. So it’s gotta be nothing. ‘Cause it surely can’t be something no more.

This is something! It’s got to be something! ‘Cause it isn’t nothing!

It came from nothing! Because it couldn’t be something! So it’s gotta be nothing! ‘Cause it surely can’t be something!

But, this is something. It’s not nothing.

It’s gotta be nothing.
It can’t be anything anymore.

But it’s not nothing.

It just can’t be something.
It just can’t be anything, anymore.

But…

It can’t be.

But.

I want it to be, but it can’t.
It can’t be anything.

And I thought…

Yearning for Mindset

Inspiration breeds hiccups of pure impurities.
Circumstance-
coincidental dance with chance.
Sights and smells of the time telling bells.
Yearning for a mindset
when my mindset misses so much.

Inspiration festers among the diluted.
Expectations-
exceptions from the needed unearthing the seeded.
Gone when I retreated.
Yearning for a mindset
when my mindset misses so much.

Inspiration bleeds from the cut of spontaneity.
Submersed-
unaware of the fear beyond what's here.
Resurface to discover I can breathe more than air.
Yearning for a mindset
when my mindset misses so much.

Inspiration swims in a stream of consciousness.
Captured-
protecting the walls and halls of control.
How can I swim if I don't let go?
I'm yearning for a mindset
when it's my mindset that misses so much.

Forgive me blogger...

Forgive me blogger for I have sinned.
It has been well over 1 year since my last demented rant.

OVER A YEAR!

I want to say that I have been busy, but not just busy-busy, busy living!
I want to say, no, not just say, but rather scream, yes scream from the mountain tops that I have been so fulfilled and consumed by living life, that pausing to contribute to DEMENTIA would have been an act of masochistic momentum slaughter.
I want to say that with every waking moment life has been rejuvenating, refreshing and innocent to the point where I'd swear I was given the eyes of an infant to look through.
I want to say that I have been living the words or Louis Armstrong; accounting for every shade of every color in all of nature, being whisked away by every passing cloud and every setting sun.

I want to...
I want to...
I want to not want anymore!!!

Is it possible for thoughts to become actions, actions to become the past, and the past to remain just that? Is it always necessary to reflect?

Damn straight it is and therefore...

DEMENTIA is back!

It's not back because these supposed moments of elation were present and now gone; quite contrary. It's back because moments of trepidation had set in. It's back because the bliss of digital repartee and the communion of ranting raconteurs was missing! And really, how obvious should it have been that all the while it was the essence of DEMENTIA that helped boast mental untangling and revelations along the crusade of self preservation.

So I call once again for fine spouts and embellished touts from the minds eye of the truly DEMENTED!

We're back baby, we're back!